I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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