I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
