Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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