So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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