Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize