You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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