Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
