Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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