he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
