Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to align my fucking chakras
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
