I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sober January is a disaster.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
