You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
