So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
