Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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