i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
3pm strippers are depressing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
