The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
