Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
