She said her name was "party"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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