when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
