Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
