So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
