Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
