Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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