Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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