dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
