love makes seman taste better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You took a bar mat shot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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