So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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