You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
