her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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