Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
