We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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