My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
