His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
