just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone came in the potted fern
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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