Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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