Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
