I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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