And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize