Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
