So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
