They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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