I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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