and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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