I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
