I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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