I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
