yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The power of my boobs compel you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
