You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
