I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
