Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
