she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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