Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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