fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
