It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
