Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize