Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
