Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
