Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
