Someone shit on the floor
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
