Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
