Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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