D3 body, D1 cock
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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