how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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