Will you blow on my dice?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
