your room smells of hookers.
And success
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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