This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
