question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
