My sheets look like a crime scene.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize