I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
