I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
