We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
