you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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