I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
