Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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