apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
