How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
