I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
