1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this is an emotional support booty call
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
