Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
