I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
