i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
