oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
