hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
