We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
