This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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