My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
