Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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