What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
