Sry I called you an 8
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
