my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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