I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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