He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
