I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
