the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
