My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am naked and annoyed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
