He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
