This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
