He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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