I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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