why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
