First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
