Where is the hickey?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
