Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
