Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
