Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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