I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
