I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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