i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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